JT39137's Xanga

Okay, so what next?

Mon, 27 Mar 2006 03:31:33 GMT

Yea... Back from NYC. Back to xanga apparantly too. We split up. It hurt.. but felt necesarry.. I happened to be the wedge.. In light of recent events I had come to realize that I have weaknesses.. and that there will always be a limit to my emotions, no matter how deep they go.. forgive me. I am but a lost soul. All I have left to say is that I cannot stay in one place for too long.. and I learned that a relationship parallels with the importance and tolerance of family.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 20:18:11 GMT

aiyaiyai... why does my xanga still live?

Friday, December 16, 2005

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 00:47:21 GMT

November 28th... Was it really the last time I updated? Seems longer than that.. No matter. In the process of dispelling false rumors... A lot happened over the course of time.. My my, it's flying quite fast.. Where to begin... Meh. I won't worry about it. Anyone who really cares would actually come to me and ask. I shouldn't rely on this site to express feelings no one will comprehend or respond to. But as a final meaningful entry...

I finally know the error of my ways.

All throughout my childhood I grew up reading stories and watching movies and developing my own dating principles on those of ancient chivalry and fairytale romance. All throughout school and my life i never knew true self-acceptance and relied on the company of another to make me whole. And thus, the combination of rejection, fairytales and falsehood hopes and dreams I had developed, I never developed a grasp on the reality of dating. I never developed a sense of pace... and my emotions develop faster than most.. No one seems to understand it... and there has always been a sense of something missing. I'll wait for someone to find me... but I can't wait forever. I'm not sure whether to wait for someone here or to be afraid of being found by someone here... Anyone I've dated here... has merely misunderstood me. and the female race here is unbelievably tainted, corrupted and hollow.. some more severely than others, some hardly noticable. Either way.. I'm waiting. For someone.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 00:46:09 GMT

Oi... Saw SAW 2 yesterday... it was gory as hell, gave me a helluva night's sleep, I'll tell ya... Meh. Tired. Don't feel like updating. :/

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 13:28:14 GMT

Thanks everyone... Birthday went great yesterday.. Got applications for a couple jobs, Jakes and Concord Pet.

I recieved an 80 gig hard drive for my PC (yes! more room!) and now I can burn DVD's!

Going to see Harry Potter today...

Here's a first-- me wearing a purple shirt?

It's a dark black/purple shirt with a light blue/gray really intricate but huge dragon design on it, one of 3. a blue one, gray one and violet one all with the same pattern. Wearing it to the movies today...

Going shopping for digital stuff with my grandparents since they couldn't understand the computer literate babble on my birthday wish list (lol).. So anyway...

Had a massive headache the night before my birthday.. Woke up to my phone vibrating.... WHO CALLED ME AT EXACTLY MIDNIGHT that night?!?!?! Who does that..?

Happy birthday's eve to me..

Fri, 25 Nov 2005 02:38:03 GMT

I am getting sick updating this when no one gives feedback.. Seriously.. anyway my 16 year old self dies tonight.. to be reborn as the 17 year old JT. Whod've thought the years`d pass so quickly?

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 04:43:35 GMT

Holy shit I see snow!

Happy thanksgiving all!

You all have no idea how grateful I am to have you as friends..

I'm going to my mom-mom's for the day..

seeing Harry Potter on Sat w/ family.

TURNING 17 TOMORROW!!

Applying for jobs too..

Started a character on Gaia.
--Diethos

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 20:34:50 GMT

Expecting snow on thanksgiving? maybe on my birthday even :D

This break may be much better than originally anticipated!

<3 being a geek.

Contacting old friends makes life so much better :D

MySpace! I have one! Answer my friend requests damnit... : )

Life gets better and better

Call me, I need ideas of what to do over break.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 23:32:37 GMT

sick as a dog x.x

can't sing

can talk, but it hurts

everything is stopped up

and i'm tired.

if only I had some Riiiiiiicolaaaaa.

What the hell is Jenna's problem? Why in hell must she pull this shit and why do I annoy her all the damn time?

Meh. Standard drama. That's why i don't fit the bando stereotype, because I'm immune to band drama :) Not that that's a bad thing.

I think Anthony's afraid to get in front of me in lunch bc he's worried I'd start shit when he's on a tightrope as it is.

Atleast i like to think it.

Too bad, there are more assholes than there are ways to get rid of them :(

Feels like someone fired a round of buckshot at the back of my throat. :x

Bowling club....

It's difficult trying to help someone who everyone else criticizes :/

Heh, I love my job of connecting everything in Honors English to the Crucible. You could connect the whole goddamn world to the Crucible.

We have to find Huck again?! Why..

Everyday life: Solo>Duo. Social Events: Duo>Solo? Why? I'm not sure but it bugs me.

They need a throat phlegm -mucus-incinerator. So I could stop fucking coughing. Get this fucking drainage out of my system. Can you get those glands removed? I wish you could and still live healthily. (sigh.)

I may sing at the church on Dec. 11th..

4 days left till i turn 17 :DD

Friday, November 18, 2005

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 23:45:22 GMT

Social events... Why do they depress the hell out of me? Why do they remind me of the past?

Why do names and places come back to haunt me..

Life is good... i'm just facing a side of my life that's darker than the rest... social interaction.

I am saddened by things like football games and parties... maybe it's because subconsciously I have these hopes set and before they start I already know none of these hopes are fulfilled.. Not to mention the cold.. That didn't help anything.. I left early.. Might as well clean or do some homework in the meantime.. All state tomorrow, must go to bed early... drinking warm fluids and not straining my voice

Almost had another urge to shut down my xanga again..

Until the darkness passes... and I find the confidence to confront this... issue? I find in social interaction... Band isn't the right crowd for me...